Saturday, December 05, 2009

Here again

Yes, I'm still here. Awake and wondering about the new day. What will it hold for me? Pain, of course, although I just took the morning trio of the right drugs and I'm waiting for the curtain to drop and give me some relief. My surgeon told me that I would remember him for the rest of my life; every morning when I got out of bed, I would mention his name and he's right, I do and I damn him.

Okay, that's a little strong for me, I really do appreciate his skills and his honesty. He said it would hurt me every morning for a very long time and it has already started. I've only 3 or more months into it; the real test comes with time. And see, as I type, the pain recedes a little bit. No, it's not due to my typing skills but to the passage of time and the speed and efficiency of the drugs as they move throughout my system.

Later…I have posted a lot of nonsense to my Projections blog and that was my 'smarts' for the day. I'm at a point where I'm slightly brain dead and dysfunctional. Could it be drugs? Of course it! Everything in my life is about drugs, as it should be. Pain=drugs. Simple. Seriously now…I'm half in and half out of my previous minute or two of euphoria induced by the 'Big Three' and I'm coming out the wrong end; into pain again. But relief is just a few steps away. What a life, it's all pain and then the side effects of the drugs used to fight the war against pain. Hmmm? Why, if we have a war against drugs, why don't we have a war against pain? Why, when we are in pain, are we told to suck it up? Who gave those people the moral authority to say such a thing? Tell them to get lost! Better yet, wish the same pain upon them. Cruel? You bet, but those who say 'suck it up' are far more cruel. And stupid.

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