Still in pain

I was up at 4 to take my first Norco and then, as I was making my tea, I had this thought…what if I never get any better? What if I have to endure this pain forever? I didn't like the thought at all. Okay, I need my antidepressants and soon.

Really. I was (and still am) depressed about the continuing pain. I think I'll go back to a full dosage of Neurontin next week and see if that helps. Is it a terrible pain? No, I can stand it for the most part as long as I have Norco to fall back on when it's at its worst. But I was hoping that at some point I could say goodbye to pain…forever. But now it looks as if pain will always be my companion. And I will always be taking Norco…3 or 4 a day. Forever.

What's my pain level? It's always at level 3 or 4 until the Norco begins to work.

3 Tolerable		Very noticeable pain, like an accidental cut, a blow to the nose causing a bloody nose, or a doctor giving you an injection. The pain is not so strong that you cannot get used to it. Eventually, most of the time you don't notice the pain. You have adapted to it.
4 Distressing		Strong, deep pain, like an average toothache, the initial pain from a bee sting, or minor trauma to part of the body, such as stubbing your toe real hard. So strong you notice the pain all the time and cannot completely adapt. This pain level can be simulated by pinching the fold of skin between the thumb and first finger with the other hand, using the fingernails, and squeezing real hard. Note how the simulated pain is initially piercing but becomes dull after that.

That's the difference…adapting. And it's the Norco that helps me to adapt. I noted the other day that it was always about an hour after taking a Norco that I would suddenly feel pain free and I was so happy when it happened. Euphoric! No pain! That feeling would last about three hours and then gradually fade until I needed another Norco. Or I would try to wait as long as I could. If it's getting close to bedtime, say within a few hours, then I do without most times, knowing that sleep will 'cure' me until I wake, in pain, in the early morning and start the cycle all over again..

We're going to be walking again this morning and I know it will be painful at times, so I will take another Norco at some point during the walk or just before. Hopefully, that will last me until late in the day. I had a four Norco day not too long ago and I would rather not have them. The side effects of opioids are no fun!