A week to go before I see the surgeon and possibly make plans for the laminectomy and fusion that I need. I can't get my hopes up yet. It seems like it has been forever since I walked in the park, let alone competed in a race! A distant and past life…so far.
I had a more painful day yesterday but I did without any Vicodin, despite the urge. I find that if I grit my teeth and wait for awhile, the pain subsides, unless I do something foolish, like moving. I know it doesn't make any sense to not use a painkiller when you're having pain, but I'm not happy with the effects of Vicodin and so I try to minimize its use.
The pain has become my life and if I look back in my journals, it's been my life ever since December of 2007; that is close to a year and a half. I'm at a point now where I worry when I don't have any pain and I welcome the pain back because that is 'normal'. I know it makes no sense when I write it down like that, but it's how I feel. Imagine having a headache for 18 months; sometimes a splitting headache and sometimes far less than that, but still a headache, wouldn't you be worried if it suddenly went away?
So this morning I can safely report that the pain is with me. Not very bad at all at this moment in time; maybe a 2. I still limp a little because of the pain in my left heel and that's part of the Stenosis pain in my right hip and leg. They're connected. And I know; I can sense, that all I have to do is to sit 'wrong' or bend over 'wrong' and the pain will quickly escalate to a level 5. So I don't dare to do very much and that contributes to a deterioration of my overall health.
But on the plus side, I have lost about ten pounds during the past two months and I did it without exercise. I did it with smaller portions and smarter choices.
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